Content
In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. You need to find the approach that works best for you. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs.
Alcoholics Anonymous is an international fellowship of people who have had a drinking problem. It is nonprofessional, self-supporting, multiracial, apolitical, and available almost everywhere. But list-making is not the only element involved in Step 8. Without being willing to make amends to these folks, there is no way to proceed to Step 9, the point at which you will actually make amends. For this reason, Step 8 requires that you become willing to make the amends necessary to continue progressing in the program. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Linked to aa.org with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Working the steps, including Step 8, while aided by the fellowship of others, can provide a strong support network and contribute to recovery success. I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on. Nor do I play the peacemaker between him and our Mother. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself, but also those around me. Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important.
- But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward.
- The eighth step then helps the individual prepare to accomplish step nine.
- You want to make sure you’ve spent time reflecting on the harm you’ve caused and how you’re going to recompense for it.
- This is why family and loved ones need recovery, too.
- The reason why it is better to make amends earlier rather than later is based on experience and case studies.
- Before completing step nine, the recovering alcoholic needs to be ready to deliver their message with the best intentions, not motivated by false expectations.
An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship.
Explore the program
We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/5-reasons-sobriety-tattoos-are-a-terrible-idea/ and understanding. Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate. But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive. A 12-step program is designed to encourage long-term sobriety, by fostering a spirituality for recovery.
For many who lived in addiction, apologizing was a regular habit. Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence. The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. But, as difficult as it is, completing this step can provide an immense sense of relief and newfound hope for the future.
When Should You Approach a Person to Make Amends?
They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends. A.A.’s Twelve Steps are a set of spiritual principles. When practiced as a way of life, they can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to recover from alcoholism.
And some people in your life may not be receptive on your timeline. Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions. More often than not, step nine will be painful, but also equally freeing. There is no denying that taking step nine takes tremendous courage. It can be tempting to say things like “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you,” but try to avoid these blanket statements. They miss the opportunity to be truly reflective about how your wrongdoings have impacted the other person and can be misread.
For example, Dr. Bob, one of the original founders of the AA program, could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt. The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge living amends the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible. Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends.
